This part of my journey is tough to write about.
In order to heal, I have to pull back this layer.
There are so many layers to healing. It's like peeling off the layers of an onion to reach its core.
Oftentimes, I wonder why is my healing process taking so long? I've been seeing my therapist for 5 years now. I should be healed by now, right? I felt like this process has been moving in circles and not forward. Until recently, my therapist made me realize that I have been getting in the way of my own healing. Yes, me. The part of me that wants to have control over every detail of my life. The worst part is it causes so much overthinking, anxiety, and depression. I am so tired of feeling this way.
You see, being in control became my protection from all of my past trauma, which I have no control over. How ironic is that?
It is definitely time...
I
let go of
this part of me.
Because of my unrealistic expectations that I had for myself and others, I was in a rush to get through my healing process. I had no patience for myself, let alone other people. Most importantly, I had missed some viable lessons from God which keeps bringing me back to this place of PATIENCE. I want to be fully healed and not only heal parts of myself. Now that I am aware of how important it is to be patient with myself in this healing process, I am learning to take moments of solitude for me to acknowledge and accept that I am still a work in progress. I understand that this requires time and allowing God to be in ultimate control.
Though I have written this to make it sound easy, it has been very tough for me.
BUT GOD...
♥️Sincerely Eliza